naked and unashamed
‘The two were both naked, and were not ashamed.’
– Genesis 2.25.
yesterday, march 1st, it was 54 degrees and sunny in Missoula.
and i didn’t the leave the house.
why?
i’m not really sure.
i’ve had the creepy crud in my head and chest for a week and a half now, but i wasn’t feeling terribly ill yesterday. i admired the beauty of the day through the windows of my house. i enjoyed the sense that spring is already here, although it isn’t (this IS missoula, after all, where warm sunshine in february and march is as likely as a snowstorm in june, which happened a couple of years ago).
i think perhaps i approached the day much like someone approaches the water on the oregon coast. it’s beautiful to look at from a distance, but you just don’t want to plunge in to the waves.
this is understandable on the oregon coast because the water is usually only slightly warm enough to not become ice. but on a beautiful, warm, sunny, springlike day…why stay inside? why not plunge into the gloriousness of that kind of heavenly gift?
i’m not really sure.
but at the end of the day, i saw an image that touched me deeply and prodded me into something resembling an insight as to why i remained a ‘lazy boy’ ensconced in my la-z-boy recliner for most of the day.
the image was of two beautiful boys who are a part of our church family. they were out with their mom on that sunny day at bonner park playing wiffle ball. and the picture (which appeared in this morning’s local paper) was of these brothers with their shirts off enjoying the game and soaking in the heavenly gift of warmth and sunshine…
partly naked...completely unashamed
i saw this great pic and wondered, ‘why didn’t i go out and do that?’
then i thought that someone would probably call the cops who would charge me with indecent exposure. i mean, on a beautiful day like that, the last thing unsuspecting people would want to see is the Stay-Puff marshmallow man wandering through their park.
but beyond the sheer physical aspect of it, why don’t i venture out into the warmth and light of life more often?
is it because down deep, i wouldn’t want to be a part of a club that would have someone like me for a member?
is it because, when all the chips are down, i’m afraid of being exposed for who i really am?
and is my version of ‘who i really am’ who i REALLY am? or is it too skewered by guilt and shame, which then hinders me from more fully discovering and living into who i REALLY am?
i’m not REALLY sure.
or maybe i AM.
maybe this season of lent is a time for exposure, a time to identify and call out on the carpet all the lies that i regularly tell myself, a time to face up to all that is within me that thrives in the darkness of isolation and bring it out in to the light of reality and truth and grace and life.
maybe it’s time to reveal and embrace the guilt and shame for what it really is.
and maybe i will become less guilty and more gracious, less ashamed and more accepting in the process.
and maybe i will become more fully who i REALLY am.
i’m not REALLY sure.
as for today, i’m going outside for a run in the sun.
but for the sake of my neighbors’ well being, i’ll keep my shirt on.